Tears of Joy

Matt and I were attending the Send North America conference with our worship pastor, Gerome, and his other half, Bianca.  We had just pulled into a massive church in Dallas called Prestonwood Baptist Church to find a place to park.  I thought I'd check my email on my phone before we went inside. 

I saw I had an email from our program director at the adoption agency.  Now that we have committed to adopt, Endale, they have moved him into a transition house where he is cared for by a nanny.  She had included in the email 20+ pictures of him!!!!  Up until this point, I had only gazed upon one picture they had of his sweet face.  The first picture I downloaded, I saw his ear to ear grin!  My heart melted and I began to cry.  I cannot express the feeling that came over me as I sat and scrolled through those pictures that are so precious to me.  This is our boy.  He is so far away.  I saw his hands and his feet and his cute little curly hair.  Tears rolled down my face as I felt short of breath over these strong emotions that came flooding over me.  I love this little boy so much already and I have not even touched his sweet skin or rocked him to sleep in my arms.  What a gift to feel love like this.  How is it that I can love him so fully when he didn't come from my womb?  It's a beautiful blessing.

The emotions that followed were pure heartache that it will take months before I will be able to hold his hand, dress his body and sing him to sleep.  May God wrap Endale in His embrace and hold him so tightly that he doesn't feel alone or unloved.  I pray that we can be God's vessel for Endale so that he might come to know God's love for him.